As a Valentine’s treat for you we thought we would delve into our vault of bad dating stories to make you feel better about your own love lives this time of year. Sit back and enjoy (we can assure you none of them made it to a second date…okay maybe one of them).
Knight in a Shining…Van?
A friend of mine (an actual real life friend, not one of my alter-egos) had a weeknight date planned with a lovely gas engineer she’d met online. In a move of what we can only describe as sheer bravery, she’d planned the date for the day after her work night out. Predictably she’d ended the night being sick on her own shoes round the back of the bar, at which point he texted to ask her how her night was going. Thinking it would make him laugh she admitted the situation she found herself in, to which he replied ‘Stay there, I’ll come and pick you up’. Having never met him before she (quite rightly) didn’t want his first impression of her to be the one she was currently giving off, so she politely declined. 20 minutes later he was calling her to say he was outside – so feeling like death and just wanting to be in bed she graciously accepted. She woke up the next morning with the greatest hangxiety of all time, remembering how she was flirtily inviting him inside while reeking of booze and her own vomit. Amazingly it hadn’t put him off, they went on the date and they’ve now been together for nearly a year.
I got invited on a dinner date with a boy who I met online that I vaguely knew from my home town. He was very specific about which restaurant he wanted to go to, and when I got there and he pulled out two discount vouchers, I knew why. He’d won the vouchers by completing the Brighton marathon, and made sure to drop that into conversation multiple times. The worst bit was when he had to fill in his name and the date on the vouchers, which not having a pen, he decided to do with the children’s crayons that they have in the restaurant for colouring in. Actually, no – the worst bit was that he never called me again….or maybe the worst bit was that he then went on a date with a friend of mine (I hope he didn’t pay full price for her dinner).
The No Show
Another friend of mine has a bad date story that didn’t even involve a date. She’d been chatting to a guy she met on an app and they’d planned to go bowling. Once all the details were confirmed she went ahead and booked it, having to pay a £20 deposit. A few hours before the date he texted her to say he was too ill and wasn’t going to make it. She was disappointed but thought it wasn’t his fault and they could always reschedule…until she saw he’d posted an Instagram story later that night of him and ‘the boys’ out at a bar. She texted him demanding he pay her back for the non-refundable deposit she lost, and guess what…he never replied.
My Best Friend’s Dad
I went on a date in my home town with a guy I’d met online and showed up to meet him at a restaurant/bar I’d chosen. Unfortunately they didn’t take bookings so we just had to try our luck… and they were full. So we wandered across town to another place I knew of and we made our way towards the only available table in the garden. Hearing someone say my name I turned round to see my best friend’s dad sitting at the table right next to it. Not taking the hint that I was on a date and he should leave us be, he proceeded to start a lengthy conversation while my poor date was stood there like a lemon (I didn’t know what to introduce him as!) Awkward.
One Date One Mug
Its always risky going to someone’s house for a date, as you get an instant insight into what they’re truly like. I went round to a guy’s house for a date as he’d offered to cook, and the house was a bit off-putting from the get-go. It was a shared house of 6 people who were all strangers and only mixed when passing each other in the hallway. It had a student-y feel about it and there was an odd smell lingering. We went downstairs and I loitered in the kitchen while he finished off dinner (veggie carbonara, which was actually very good), and when he went to dish up I could feel the ick creeping in. The obvious lack of cutlery was disturbing, he didn’t even have enough for a knife and fork each. At one point during the meal he asked me politely to cut up his broccoli for him because he didn’t have a knife. After the meal was even worse, as he went to make coffee and I went to bathroom. When I came back in there was only one coffee on the table. I asked ‘Oh are you not having one?’ to which he replied that he only had one mug and we’d have to share. He’s now my boyfriend.
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